Causticity is back. Back from the exile. With some new theories. Read on.

My great friend, Yuvraj, a non-caustic confederate is always upto some analysis and explanations to various theories. A few days ago, he extended, or rather say, applied a fresh aspect to an existing theory, what we call as Pareto's Principal and is famous as 80-20 rule.

Assuming, all of the readers know what is 80-20 rule, he analyzed that 80% of beautiful girls are taken by 20% of boys. The development of such an idea came when two of us were enjoying CC (a censored word) during the evening walk. Always like gays, we had no girls. That is really unfortunate, you see. We are very much single and "desperate". 

So, we took an example of us and a group moving ahead of us. There was one guy with 4 super sexy girls of our MBA college. What a luck! This conspired us to follow and extend the 80-20 law here. 

A theory points out to other theories as well. So, there was another one. Like money attracts money, girls attract girls. Not in the lesbianism way - but if a guy has one girl, he has the probability of having three or four more - mostly the friends of that single girl. But who minds? Not the guy ofcourse. And if you won't even have one, a fresh piece would never come into your stock.

There was one more from me. If you see a gang of hot girls together (only girls), and you like the hottest among them. Now its simple logic, the probability of having airs of attitude with this girl will be quite high. She wouldn't give you lift at all. But then, don't lose hope. The vice-versa technique fits here too. Target the ugliest looking girl and be friends with her. According to the inverse principle, she wouldn't be having arrogance problems and will readily become your friend. Be with her.

Now according to the 80-20 rule stated above, your girl will attract her friends (to join her and you). Gradually, you come in contact with the hottest girl too. Be calm and composed in the beginning and control your emotions. Flatter the gang of girls and when you feel the situation is correct, propose her. Caution, don't propose the ugly girl early. You can land into a serious trouble.

A last, please. If a guy and a girl are walking at a speed of less than 1 km/hr, they are definately a couple. If the speed is comparitively faster, the girl is always looking straight and the guy towards her, he will soon be either going to propose her, or getting a kick in the ass. If the speed is futher swifter, they are just friends - good friends. If the speed is the swiftest, they are definately targetting the next olympics (this was, one of the best PJs from me in the latest times).

Enough of theories, I'll add later if I find one. By the time, I really love that hot girl (who never sees me even). [:(]

"If Love is Blind and Marriage is an Institution, then Marriage is an Institution for the Blind"

"The secret of a successful marriage is incompatability. He has the income, you have the patability."

Omg..The title is as breaking as the news below :P :P

The mummy and papa of Caustic Confederates are separating.. Why are they splitting up ? Being an "A" class ("A" has nothing to do wid the age limit : ) reporter of Causticism Channel,I have conducted a thorough investigation to find out some of the probable reasons for this divorce.

The 1st probable reason being..their privacy was breached by Mr. Karan Johar as he got the idea to film "Dostana" from these two life partners.

2nd..Both of them agreed to live a "straight" life and not a "tedi" life.

3rd one of them either d mummy or papa or even both (Binary OR condition)..actually even the confederates arnt sure abt who is the mummy and who is papa !! anyways the 3rd reason..they have found a new life partner, whom they rank more than their present partner..yes am talking about Queues and specificaly Priority Queues.

According to our sources one of them is thinking of Ngaging himself with some research work..although this combination (work + him) hardly goes hand in hand,but he thinks he his new partner would be work. Till date he wasnt an Alcoholic, but now he'll unquestionably be a WORKOOOOLHIC (Researcaholic).

We the confederates used to hang out with them, will continue to hang out with them..although 2 confederates wont be with us from January 19th 2009.. YES AM A PANDIT too.. u can show me ur "janam patri(s)" and all..pandit-agiri is my side business.I'll forecast your future with 100% accuracy and will make sure what I tell positively happens in the future.. :D

Ahh..screw..my marketing tactics..grr.. 4th reason Mummy/papa thinks that papa/mummy has started to ignore her/him..(phew..i got it rite :P ).

5th.. the most common reason these days..thanks to Ms Lionwat(arrgh...Ms. Sherawat ..u nincompoop !!) and Mahesh Bhatt...EXTRA MARITAL affair.

Going by the "Hi-Fi" rule of causticism,They have filed for divorce in the Supreme Causticism Court.

Now that the most sought after, coveted and nerve wrecking exam is here tomorrow, let us see what the confederates are upto at this critical moment of their lives.

Maddiee is one of the biggest contender of getting into the IIMs or any of the top 20 colleges for sure. Cracking all the Mock Tests by securing sky-high marks, he sits well comfortable on the top with tremendous practice and experience at solving the paper. If the pattern remains the same, I do not see him scoring anything less than 145-150 tomorrow. :P

Abhishek Rao has always been the dark horse. Though he has not practised as much as Maddiee, one could expect him to come from behind and even fly past his figure of marks. On his day, Rao is unbeatable. This he showed by bagging the first placement offer (TCS) which neither of the confederates could do. He has the sheer ability to make the unexpected to be expected. I have my money on him (coz he is my caustic couple :P)

Vaibhav Jain, the VJ. No one knows, not even he himself, why the hell is he appearing for CAT. Even if he secures the highest percentile all over India, he is unable to join any of the colleges because of his stupid commitment to JBS. People are sure he has the capability to crack the paper, and he himself knew this till three days ago. But since he started solving Mock Papers, he is in a shock. He doesn't know anything. He just has one thing with him, i.e., no pressure. Otherwise, no hard work, no motivation, no effort and no luck. 

The other three confederates have nothing to do with CAT. They are comfortably seated at homes. Ghosh and Goli are upto some revenue earnings by developing a webportal. Do visit them at www.techtadka.net. Both have the capability to bell the CAT, but Goli opted for the MS line, and is leaving for Florida next month. Ghosh prefers job experience for atleast 2 years before commiting himself for post graduation.

Finally, the beloved Rebel. You don't expect a Tech Genius to do MBA, do you? His SUN is shining high, and the secret behind is that he makes it shine. (jyada to nahi ho gaya? :P) He is always into the business of some JAVA programming. I wonder if his friends were not giving CAT, he would ever know we have an exam like that. It is because he has to do something great, unique and extra-ordinary, just like our senior Siddharth Batra did (http://rollickingmaniac.blogspot.com/2008/11/siddharth-batras-zunavision.html).

I wish all the confederates the best of luck. Because luck is what counts the most tomorrow. Hope to see Maddiee and Rao in top B-schools, Ghosh in Singapore (he wishes so), Goli in Florida performing well and Rebel - keep the SUN shining brightly. As far as VJ is concerned, uska kuch nahi ho sakta. 

The idea of this rating system crept into our minds when we saw a very very beautiful lass infront of Sanjeev Sharma Sir's cabin. Rao said, "she is the one about whom I was telling about, who wears low waist trousers", and the conversation began which is, ahem, *censored*.

This led us to 'quantifying' her grace and comparing with other gorgeous ones. 'Of course', we resonated, 'the number one spot is fixed'. And then Rao suddenly recounted that he had to meet Mrs. Sangeeta Malik, his mentor. 

So we headed from Maths Department on 1st floor to the CSE department on the opposite side of the 2nd floor, taking the way infront of the Electronics Labs. When we ascended the stairs, Rao noticed Sangeeta Mam leaving and she went, Rao could not talk to her. So we stayed in the middle of the stairs, comforted ourselves there and resumed with our discussion.

For about 10 minutes, we were 'negotiating' with the ratings and then Rao diverted the topic to his project work. Hardly had we carried the discussion further when there was a noise behind me. I turned back and the scene horrified me. Krishna Asawa Mam was staring at us from inside her cabin through the window, probably furious about the noise we were making. But what has disturbed us more is the topic which we were discussing on. RATING OF BEATIES, eh? She would have certainly heard it.

She saw us. She is my panel member [:(] What if she remembers me? Terryfying thought. We were so dumb, we could find that place only? Right behind the ears of the teacher and that too in full volume? As if, each corridor and every place is open for our Caustic discussions in the college. [:(]

We slipped away from there as hurriedly as possible, visibly going numb for the next few seconds. Rao had his hands over his face, and could not get out of this shocking trauma for next 15 minutes. IMAGE?? ho gayi na down...

Anyways, ab to aadat ho gayi hai.. wese bhi we wish Mam enjoyed the ratings. [:P] After all we are Caustic Couples, naam roshan bhi to rakhna hai na...

Do I need to write anything for the support of the above pic? Each and every thing is caustic in itself.

For instance, look at the two portraits in the top left and right corner. "Sai Baba versus Skull Baba".

"Sabhi jagaho se nirash...." He knows that we have already visited sabhi jagahs. 

"keval 7 ghanto me" I remember an Eno ad that said.. "raahat sirf 6 seconds me". Obviously, he is focussing on a larger problem, so will naturally take some more time to provide that raahat.

"Mere kiye kaam ki kaat kare, muh maanga inaam". He doesn't even have the slightest hint what the confederates can ask for. :P

And then the "problem" list follows and follows and follows. Me and Rao spotted one more such problem which needs censor board approval to be listed here. :D

The highlights of the "problems" for me are "sautan va dushman se chhutkara", "pyar mohabbat", "prem vivah", "pati patni ke jhagde", "manchaha pyar va vashikaran". He 'sells' pyar and mohabbat. I will buy in wholesale. :D

And he is also capable for making as well as breaking the homes. "Pyar mohabbat" goes hand in hand with "pati patni ke jhagde". Such a multi tasker.

"Kale va ruhani ilm ke maahir". I couldnt understand it. And it is written in large font. :(

Oh no, how could I miss such an important information. 

"Jesa chahoge wesa hoga". Hum to kis kis ko and kya kya chah sakte hain. :D

Timings are also awesome. Looks like a government job, some office work with office timings.

And what great items he has asked us to bring. 2 nimbu, 2 agarbatti. Really scaring me off. Ya shikanji banane ko and machhar bhagane ko mangwa raha hai. Gawwwd knows...

Awesome amount. Rs. 151.. Does it include the expense of his shikanji and machhar affinity?

Finally comes the shubh naam. It had to be such. BABA SHAMANI BANGALI. Fascinated. Thrilled. What a name. Mr. B.S. Bangali... or Dr. B.S. Bangali?? :D

And look at the address. He sits in a complex, that too on the second floor. Perfect office work. And what an awesome place he has chosen for this work. NITHARI. Now needs no further explanation.

Finally the USP of the advertisment. The 2 phone numbers. Font Size, the maximum. Arial 72. Has Reliance connection as well. Mera to free padega. Khoob baat karunga babaji se. :P

Now after posting this, I am really in a state of terror. Kahin ye padh liya unhone, to apna "vashikaran" mujhpe hi na kar bethen. :(

Anyways, I am visiting him ASAP. Afterall, he says, jesa chahoge wesa paoge nahi to MUH MAANGA INAAM. We say in Hindi - Dono Hath Ghee Me. 

BABA ho to SHAMANI BANGALI jese ho.