Friday, December 5, 2008
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11:45 PM
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"If Love is Blind and Marriage is an Institution, then Marriage is an Institution for the Blind"
"The secret of a successful marriage is incompatability. He has the income, you have the patability."
Omg..The title is as breaking as the news below :P :P
BREAKING NEWS... CAUSTIC COUPLE FILES FOR A DIVORCE !!
The mummy and papa of Caustic Confederates are separating.. Why are they splitting up ? Being an "A" class ("A" has nothing to do wid the age limit : ) reporter of Causticism Channel,I have conducted a thorough investigation to find out some of the probable reasons for this divorce.
The 1st probable reason being..their privacy was breached by Mr. Karan Johar as he got the idea to film "Dostana" from these two life partners.
2nd..Both of them agreed to live a "straight" life and not a "tedi" life.
3rd one of them either d mummy or papa or even both (Binary OR condition)..actually even the confederates arnt sure abt who is the mummy and who is papa !! anyways the 3rd reason..they have found a new life partner, whom they rank more than their present partner..yes am talking about Queues and specificaly Priority Queues.
According to our sources one of them is thinking of Ngaging himself with some research work..although this combination (work + him) hardly goes hand in hand,but he thinks he his new partner would be work. Till date he wasnt an Alcoholic, but now he'll unquestionably be a WORKOOOOLHIC (Researcaholic).
We the confederates used to hang out with them, will continue to hang out with them..although 2 confederates wont be with us from January 19th 2009.. YES AM A PANDIT too.. u can show me ur "janam patri(s)" and all..pandit-agiri is my side business.I'll forecast your future with 100% accuracy and will make sure what I tell positively happens in the future.. :D
Ahh..screw..my marketing tactics..grr.. 4th reason Mummy/papa thinks that papa/mummy has started to ignore her/him..(phew..i got it rite :P ).
5th.. the most common reason these days..thanks to Ms Lionwat(arrgh...Ms. Sherawat ..u nincompoop !!) and Mahesh Bhatt...EXTRA MARITAL affair.
Going by the "Hi-Fi" rule of causticism,They have filed for divorce in the Supreme Causticism Court.
Will the divorce take place ? What will happen to their children? What will happen to their "dhan dolat" ?
Stay tuned for more updates..
This is Confederate no. 3 signing off... hope u find gud lawyers for this perplexing mummy/papa jodi !! ADIOS
Saturday, November 15, 2008
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2:12 PM
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Now that the most sought after, coveted and nerve wrecking exam is here tomorrow, let us see what the confederates are upto at this critical moment of their lives.
Maddiee is one of the biggest contender of getting into the IIMs or any of the top 20 colleges for sure. Cracking all the Mock Tests by securing sky-high marks, he sits well comfortable on the top with tremendous practice and experience at solving the paper. If the pattern remains the same, I do not see him scoring anything less than 145-150 tomorrow. :P
Abhishek Rao has always been the dark horse. Though he has not practised as much as Maddiee, one could expect him to come from behind and even fly past his figure of marks. On his day, Rao is unbeatable. This he showed by bagging the first placement offer (TCS) which neither of the confederates could do. He has the sheer ability to make the unexpected to be expected. I have my money on him (coz he is my caustic couple :P)
Vaibhav Jain, the VJ. No one knows, not even he himself, why the hell is he appearing for CAT. Even if he secures the highest percentile all over India, he is unable to join any of the colleges because of his stupid commitment to JBS. People are sure he has the capability to crack the paper, and he himself knew this till three days ago. But since he started solving Mock Papers, he is in a shock. He doesn't know anything. He just has one thing with him, i.e., no pressure. Otherwise, no hard work, no motivation, no effort and no luck.
The other three confederates have nothing to do with CAT. They are comfortably seated at homes. Ghosh and Goli are upto some revenue earnings by developing a webportal. Do visit them at www.techtadka.net. Both have the capability to bell the CAT, but Goli opted for the MS line, and is leaving for Florida next month. Ghosh prefers job experience for atleast 2 years before commiting himself for post graduation.
Finally, the beloved Rebel. You don't expect a Tech Genius to do MBA, do you? His SUN is shining high, and the secret behind is that he makes it shine. (jyada to nahi ho gaya? :P) He is always into the business of some JAVA programming. I wonder if his friends were not giving CAT, he would ever know we have an exam like that. It is because he has to do something great, unique and extra-ordinary, just like our senior Siddharth Batra did ( http://rollickingmaniac.blogspot.com/2008/11/siddharth-batras-zunavision.html).
I wish all the confederates the best of luck. Because luck is what counts the most tomorrow. Hope to see Maddiee and Rao in top B-schools, Ghosh in Singapore (he wishes so), Goli in Florida performing well and Rebel - keep the SUN shining brightly. As far as VJ is concerned, uska kuch nahi ho sakta.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
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1:56 PM
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In a grave incident that happened today around 11:30 am, me and Rao escaped a vicious blow to our characters and dignity (though we are hardly left with any). We, the Caustic Couples were at our usual best, discussing what we like discussing, girls. And today we were enacting the judges, ranking the most beautiful girls of our college.
The idea of this rating system crept into our minds when we saw a very very beautiful lass infront of Sanjeev Sharma Sir's cabin. Rao said, "she is the one about whom I was telling about, who wears low waist trousers", and the conversation began which is, ahem, *censored*.
This led us to 'quantifying' her grace and comparing with other gorgeous ones. 'Of course', we resonated, 'the number one spot is fixed'. And then Rao suddenly recounted that he had to meet Mrs. Sangeeta Malik, his mentor.
So we headed from Maths Department on 1st floor to the CSE department on the opposite side of the 2nd floor, taking the way infront of the Electronics Labs. When we ascended the stairs, Rao noticed Sangeeta Mam leaving and she went, Rao could not talk to her. So we stayed in the middle of the stairs, comforted ourselves there and resumed with our discussion.
For about 10 minutes, we were 'negotiating' with the ratings and then Rao diverted the topic to his project work. Hardly had we carried the discussion further when there was a noise behind me. I turned back and the scene horrified me. Krishna Asawa Mam was staring at us from inside her cabin through the window, probably furious about the noise we were making. But what has disturbed us more is the topic which we were discussing on. RATING OF BEATIES, eh? She would have certainly heard it.
She saw us. She is my panel member [:(] What if she remembers me? Terryfying thought. We were so dumb, we could find that place only? Right behind the ears of the teacher and that too in full volume? As if, each corridor and every place is open for our Caustic discussions in the college. [:(]
We slipped away from there as hurriedly as possible, visibly going numb for the next few seconds. Rao had his hands over his face, and could not get out of this shocking trauma for next 15 minutes. IMAGE?? ho gayi na down...
Anyways, ab to aadat ho gayi hai.. wese bhi we wish Mam enjoyed the ratings. [:P] After all we are Caustic Couples, naam roshan bhi to rakhna hai na...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
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12:38 AM
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Surprised by the subject of this post, well there's a long story and a short story to elaborate on the subject.
A Cube
If you remember a guy called Tunna, he had once made a small J2ME Application for his Sony Ericsson Walkman Phone, which seems to be outdated now. I mean both the mobile and the application, actually Tunna is outdated as well, by today's standards ;)
So, Tunna along with two more guys from same batch collaborated to make this application, named it A Cube, just because all the three members had intial in first name as A. Talking about collaboration, surprisingly Tunna was the only one who worked hard in that project. Thats an inside story, don't tell anyone else..
Divided by A
So, if we divide A Cube by A, we get A Square- so lets take a look at the short story of A Square... This is really getting interesting :P
A Square
From Tunna, lets move on to Lecture Theatre 2, i.e. LT2.
Brief Overview
Lecture's going on SEM, not SEMester yaar! Rebel reaches the lecture 15 minutes late, time ki kya value hogi uske liye, jo duniya se ladne ko tayyar rehta hai har waqt..
Complete Story
Everyone's doing some silly assignment, and Rebel gets furious with the faculty in-charge and decides to copy the assignment :P So, everyone sitting the same quarter where Rebel was sitting were copying same solution, so did he!
Faculty was in mood to take revenge with the Rebel (haan haan puraani dushmani hai). Anyways, so A Square (she) fired questions at a lightning speed only to realize later that she was losing Oxygen at the same speed as well.
Rebel was in a state of shock and awe, so he didnt reply and sat calmly only to see Ms. A Square tearing his (Enrl. No.) and his group's assignments in public, and walk over..
This is not good manners, ek toh Rebel ne kuch kaha nahi upar se yeh attitude, not happening! This is how the above mathematics equation gets complete. So, now I feel I will paas T3 with an A grade..
Saturday, October 25, 2008
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12:38 AM
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Do I need to write anything for the support of the above pic? Each and every thing is caustic in itself.
For instance, look at the two portraits in the top left and right corner. "Sai Baba versus Skull Baba".
"Sabhi jagaho se nirash...." He knows that we have already visited sabhi jagahs.
"keval 7 ghanto me" I remember an Eno ad that said.. "raahat sirf 6 seconds me". Obviously, he is focussing on a larger problem, so will naturally take some more time to provide that raahat.
"Mere kiye kaam ki kaat kare, muh maanga inaam". He doesn't even have the slightest hint what the confederates can ask for. :P
And then the "problem" list follows and follows and follows. Me and Rao spotted one more such problem which needs censor board approval to be listed here. :D
The highlights of the "problems" for me are "sautan va dushman se chhutkara", "pyar mohabbat", "prem vivah", "pati patni ke jhagde", "manchaha pyar va vashikaran". He 'sells' pyar and mohabbat. I will buy in wholesale. :D
And he is also capable for making as well as breaking the homes. "Pyar mohabbat" goes hand in hand with "pati patni ke jhagde". Such a multi tasker.
"Kale va ruhani ilm ke maahir". I couldnt understand it. And it is written in large font. :( Oh no, how could I miss such an important information.
"Jesa chahoge wesa hoga". Hum to kis kis ko and kya kya chah sakte hain. :D
Timings are also awesome. Looks like a government job, some office work with office timings.
And what great items he has asked us to bring. 2 nimbu, 2 agarbatti. Really scaring me off. Ya shikanji banane ko and machhar bhagane ko mangwa raha hai. Gawwwd knows...
Awesome amount. Rs. 151.. Does it include the expense of his shikanji and machhar affinity?
Finally comes the shubh naam. It had to be such. BABA SHAMANI BANGALI. Fascinated. Thrilled. What a name. Mr. B.S. Bangali... or Dr. B.S. Bangali?? :D
And look at the address. He sits in a complex, that too on the second floor. Perfect office work. And what an awesome place he has chosen for this work. NITHARI. Now needs no further explanation.
Finally the USP of the advertisment. The 2 phone numbers. Font Size, the maximum. Arial 72. Has Reliance connection as well. Mera to free padega. Khoob baat karunga babaji se. :P
Now after posting this, I am really in a state of terror. Kahin ye padh liya unhone, to apna "vashikaran" mujhpe hi na kar bethen. :(
Anyways, I am visiting him ASAP. Afterall, he says, jesa chahoge wesa paoge nahi to MUH MAANGA INAAM. We say in Hindi - Dono Hath Ghee Me.
BABA ho to SHAMANI BANGALI jese ho.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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3:09 PM
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The intent to write this kavita was quite a romantic one, but with passage of lines and thoughts, this is what it resulted in. Rao rightly suggested - I could sell each of the stanzas for Rs. 50 to truck-wallahs so that they can write these at the back of their trucks.
Read on the 'Caustically emotional', 'Caustically romantic' and 'Caustically Caustic' kavita and leave ur comments.
taaro si chamakti teri ye aankhen, phoolon sa khila tera ye chehra, madhosh kar denge tere ye kaakul, ehsaas hai inme koi saagar sa gehra.
roop tera esa saawra salona, roshan kar deta hai rooh ka har ek kona, kya zaroorat hai dhan daulat ki, tera poora ang hai chaandi sona.
na koi maan, na koi gumaan, sharmo-haya ki tu moorat hai, bholi pyari ithlayi si, teri ye komal soorat hai.
aankhon me teri chhaya hai noor, e maula, na karna mujhe tujhse door, tere zulfo ki faili hai jo ye kali ghata, bikhre hain chehre pe, unhe yun na tu hata.
sooraj ki pehli kiran jab padti hai tere mukh pe, khil uthta hai ye saara jahaan, baadal jab umad umad ke aate hain, pehli bauchhar karte hain tere jism pe yahaan.
tujhe andaza nahin tu kya cheez hai ya banti hai tu ab itni masoom. khade hain jo teri jhalak paane ko betaabi se, kher, kar le tu un deewano se maloom.
na mita sake tere mere pyar ko, na gira sake koi mere vishwaas ko, bas akhiri raasta hai kisi ke paas, band karni padegi use meri saans ko.
:) :)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
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3:25 PM
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The various help desks are always there to make the consumers' lives easier by answering their queries about the related matters. Consumers also feel at ease that there is always someone who is there to guide you incase you need help or have run into trouble.
Robert Half Technology in Menlo Park, CA reports some strange queries asked to the help desks, when they surveyed the CIOs. Some of those masterpieces are as follows.
- “Why isn’t my wireless mouse connected to the computer?”
- “My laptop was run over by a truck. What should I do?”
- “Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?”
- “How do I read my e-mail?”
- “My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the ‘any’ key?”
- “Can you reset the Internet for me?”
- “There are animal crackers in my CD-ROM drive.”
- “Can you build me a robot?”
Some end users called to report problems with mice -- not the electronic kind -- and other pests. To wit:
- “Can you get the mice out of the ceiling?”
- “A server went down, and I found a lizard had crawled into it and died.”
- “A skunk ate my cable.”
Other requests signal more trouble than just a technical glitch. Here are some examples:
- “How can I block e-mail from my manager?”
- “Can I open the bank safe using my computer?”
- “Can you install cable TV on my PC?”
- “Can you order joysticks so that we can play video games?”
- “I’d like to stop receiving e-mail on Fridays.”
Help desk professionals are known for lending a hand, but these end users took the concept too far:
- “Can you come and install my car stereo?”
- “Where can I locate dry ice?”
- “I’d like wireless computer access in my motor home.”
- “Can you fix my typewriter?”
- “How long does it take to bake a potato in a microwave?”
- “My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?”
- “Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?”
- “The elevator is broken.”
- “How do I wire a robotic turkey?”
- “Where can I get software to track UFOs?”
- “Can you repair my motorbike?”
These type of questions, in addition to add a humorous aspect, also tests the patience and empathy of the help desk personnels as well as their skills in dealing with such out-of-blue situations.
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